I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Boobs speak an international language.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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