We won't sleep together?
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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