When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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