Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
