first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
