youre lurking in front of me
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
