Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
