why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
