I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
