Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
