The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
