Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
