Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize