I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
