While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
