I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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