i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
