can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
