Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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