Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
