i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
