when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
