Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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