my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize