Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
