Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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