apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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