They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
you never un-have a 4some
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
