just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
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Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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