You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
