I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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