The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
