So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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