wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
