How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
