i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
