I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
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On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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