One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
