My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
