if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
