just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'd cum for enchiladas.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
