god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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