Just fell off a train. Bad.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
