Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
sex in a hospital.. check
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
