Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
