Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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