She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
