her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
