I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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