Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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