Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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