I can text with my tongue
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
