So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
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Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
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My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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