Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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