Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
