Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
