$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
