we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
