You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
what is it with giant penises always finding me
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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