if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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