Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
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Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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