The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
