I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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