lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
