My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
