Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
