grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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