i permit you to call me
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
