Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
