just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
