Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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