He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
