i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He? As in you personified your dick?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
