your room smells of hookers.
And success
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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