WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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