Cold hands, warm shart.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
