He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
