That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
