so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
farters have to be the big spoon...
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
His nipple licking is glorious
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