His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
