margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
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My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
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She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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