let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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